Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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