Pass out mid-funnel last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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