yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
