I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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