i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
