i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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