piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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