I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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