I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
