All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
