Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize