Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
