So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
