I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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