Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
