alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
