that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just cropdusted the office
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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