Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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