I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
