dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
even my farts smell like vagina
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
