I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
