he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
