his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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