Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
