i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
