im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
