After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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