after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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