we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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