How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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