I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
