Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
