I cannot find my penis.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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