FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
