Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
