Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
