i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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