It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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