Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
