I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
