why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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