My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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