i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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