don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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