Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
