apparently the secret to your success is patron
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
