you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
