Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
