Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
