There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
