I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
