I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
