my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
