That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
