the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
