he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
