I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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