Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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