Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
