I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
