I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
