I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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