'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
